Jury Duty - A look at modern morals and values of the typical moron.

So rise and shine Monday morning. After a late night of margaritas by the yard, (stomach not so happy with my choice of drinks) and Robin Thicke - romancing my woman. I depart for jury duty downtown.

After getting into the ghetto shortcut. (Navigation) Yes, Rene I know this is your neighborhood, but I also know when I dont belong somewhere. I realize I need cash for parking.

Store #1 - after stares of patrons - I realize the Atm is broken - I doubt it is out of cash. I dash back to the Jeep to hide behind its tinted windows.

Store #2 - after stares from patrons, and stepping over the drunk guy on the front sidewalk. I realize this Atm is also broken. thinking these robbers must have cleaned out the whole area, I pout and continue to sneak to the store.

Store #3 gives me money - and on my way I go - avoiding eye contact with anybody.

Arriving downtown - I find the array of courthouses and pick a parking lot - directly in the middle of them. I park facing the exit - for a quick getaway once I get realized from jury duty.

$15 a day - sounds like an astro game parking lot rip off - but what the hell I'm close right? Wrong.

2 blocks away I find the address to the Jury Detention Center. You can park underneath it for $5.50 - WTF? That should have been on my summons. I painfully walk into the building and wander to the Detention Hall. 7:40Am.

8:32Am the rest of Houston enters the Jury Detention Hall. A girl with flip flops sits down besides me. Kicks off her flip flops and quickly goes to sleep. I'm sitting here thinking to myself.

" Don't make a face, god I hope her feet don't smell, she looks like a Methhead, What does a Methhead actually look like? How can you Sleep in here? How can you think its appropriate to take your shoes off in a Jury Detention Center? So many questions I will never make sense of.

After hearing - "Thank you for coming, and serving your civic duty" in 27 languages.

Deciding that there are approx. 800 seats that are over capacity,(Where is the Fire Marshall when you need him)the room is 160ft by 80 ft and that 12,800 sq feet is a really big room. (Yes I counted the ceiling tiles which are 2' by 2'). I decide I need to relieve myself of some of the 2 yards of Margarita I drank last night.

I stroll into the Dentention Center Bathrooms. Here are all the Jurors - there must be 100 people in here. While waiting in line - I realize that a man must ber having a baby in one of the stalls, or passing kidney stones. His Screams of torment remind of the movie "Saw". This is really disturbing - but its my turn now to proceed to a urinal. So I try to block out the man's cries of pain.

While walking up to the urinal - I realize the man next to me is either retarded or never learned to pee the right way. His pants are around his ankles. - I'm thinking - OMG!, do I have to pee next to this guy? Is he a pervert? I just saw a dude's ass. - 10 million thoughts are running through my head - while the man is still having a baby in the stall behind me. - I pee and run to the sink.

There is no line at the sink - these guys dont wash their hands- gross. I will refrain from touching door handles, chairs or anything else at this point.

Meanwhile back at my seat. The girl with her shameless skis as feet has become more comfortable in her stage of sleep. legs and feet everywhere. I choose to stand for my remainder of jury dentention.

When finally released I run like hell.